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jonthomson
KILLIAN IS LYING TO YOU
"People who avoid failure, also avoid success"

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Twilight Princess sucks

Posted by jonthomson - November 19th, 2007


Yes. It's basically Ocarina of Time with a remote and added sucky bits (Ocarina of Time, of course, being more or less a port of A Link to the Past, but in 3D). It could easily have been the best game ever if they'd been a bit more original (as they tried to do with Majora's Mask), but it's more or less the same game that I played back on the N64 (well, strictly speaking, on the Gamecube on the collectors' disc). Let's run through why it sucks:

- Storyline is exactly the same. Evil's coming to take over the world. We need to find three things (here we've got bits of fused shadow, cf. pendants, random gems), get new pointy sword, oh dear, we can't go to the final castle so we've got to go to several more different places to unlock it, then we go and kill Ganon. Oh wow.

- Temples are unoriginal. Foresty thing early on? Check. Firey thing after that? Check. Really annoying retarded water dungeon? Check. Icy place with sliding block puzzles? Check. Rehashing old bosses? Check.

- New items are next to useless. I can think of maybe two places where I used the spinner after the dungeon I found it in, both of which were mandatory. I can think of one place that I used the ball and chain, again it was mandatory (although even that shouldn't count as it's in the Zant fight in the exact same dungeon again). After opening up the seventh dungeon the dominion rod was useless. Getting the horse call after we've opened up enough warp points to make the horse superfluous is stupid (I think I used the horse post-Master Sword once, in the final boss fight). Hawkeye is pointless, would only ever be useful in the hidden village if there were more things to kill. I never collected bomblings once.

- Wolf form, and particularly collecting tears of light, sucks.

- Rupees are next to worthless. I could have gone the whole game without collecting the large wallet (and only got that to get the magic armor, which I never used).

- Game is too easy. The only difficulties were working out how to kill things, once that was obvious, things were cake. The hidden skills make every single potentially tough enemy a breeze. I had four fairies on standby for the Ganon fight and never got near to using one.

- Z-targeting is frequently glitchy. The level 7 boss fight took about ten minutes longer than it should have, purely because in the second stage of the fight, the camera kept fucking up, causing me to target the peahat I'd just grappled away from, sending me right back into some fire or something. The dual darknuts in Hyrule Castle are a pain, not because they're difficult (which they're not, back slice/helm splitter pwns easily), but because I continually locked onto the wrong one, causing possible massive damage.

Having said that, it's still worth playing (mainly because the majority of boss fights are awesome, if a piece of piss, that was seriously the worst Ganon fight ever) mainly because OoT pwns.


Comments

I still hate how much Nintendo has bastardized the series in order to make it age appropriate for everyone.

I hate how Paul won't fuck me in the arse anymore

Get Phantom Hourglass, that game is "The Boss". Most original use of DS features ever, tons of clever new items ( hookshot is replaced with a grapling hook that actually has like 3-4 different uses, it rules ).

It's decently easy though. Contains fishing.

I sympathise (for as far as I've got so far!)
The water dungeon is where I am at the moment, it's *really* pissing me off....

You didn't add the Midna factor.

1. Midna was hot.
2. stabbing a flying dragon = awesome
3. I masturbate to Link/Ganon snuff porn.